for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (G)

AT THE MIDDLE OF A LIFE-SPAN
The Victorian railway viaduct
across the valley stood.
Stood over a wide waterfall
which made race my young blood,
and made race the river
down by the old pine wood.

The Victorian railway viaduct
across the valley stands.
Stands over a narrow waterfall
now I'm a middling man,
blood nor river racing
between this valley's span.

KISS-COLD-COMFORT-ARE-
ORWELLIAN-CLOSED-FISTS
To down-and-outs
now in London and Paris,
British bunch-of-fives
and Frenchmen's cold kiss.

THE WITCH-HAZEL WOMAN
She lives in a caravan
by the hazel wood,
a white witch woman
with gypsy-type-blood.

Witch-gypsy, gypsy-witch,
there's magic in her eyes.
She has a hazel wand
could be no surprise.

COGS AND CLOGS
The Flying Scotsman.
The Flying Dutchman.
One is an old train,
the other a phantom.
Like train and ghost,
girl I'm sure on track
to fly to you,
to return, come back !

DEATH AND DISTANCE
From this world to the next
he went quick as a phone-text
to the earth's other side.
Perhaps fast and more far
man will journey to a star
on some future ride ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (F)

THE SMELLY CHEESE
John Cheese
became John Cleese
when H was changed to L.
No taste for Cheese -
if you please -
it had a funny smell !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (E)

THE-BUBBLY-CHAMPAGNE-BATH-LAUGH
She had lain in champagne,
bathing in a full bath.
Playing footsy with its spout
got her toe stuck in a tap,
filling her maid with rich laughter
that was to drain her like a gutter.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (D)

CONFLICT
Intelligence said
"Go build The Bomb."
"Just try not drop it,"
said great wisdom.

THE APE OF THINGS TO COME ?
Progress ? It's progress ?!
Seems history resonates
as mankind evolves
into the super-apes !

A-MASTERLY-MISTRESS-
SOUGHT-HER-OWN-EMANCIPATION ?
She owned black slaves
like she owned pets,
but was an early
suffragette ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (C)

LOW LAYERS
There are those would
sell you down the river.
They give you bullets
they'd sure have you fire
(you're their free gun,
not even for hire).
Then they lay low
like a chick's under feather.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (B)

THE ROTTEN APPLES
A few fruit there are rotten
at the apple-barrel bottom ?
It seems such a damn lot
at life's apple-barrel top !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 271 (A)

FUNNY AND SAD
Comedy actress Eleanor Bron
infatuated the Beatle John,
her first name penned in a song
by McCartney who
was a Beatle too,
though the song was a solemn one.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (H)

RETREAT-INTO-A-RAINSTORM
She's a Christmas cracker,
one I would like to pull.
I'm sure I'd get the push
for the girl's too beautiful.

The night has grown ugly,
my shyness is quite plain.
Time to leave the bar
and brave the stormy-rain.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (G)

THE CUCKOO SEASON CLOCKED OUT
A cuckoo I was to hear call
through the woods at Rushpool Hall.
The first cuckoo call of spring,
to my ears the sound was to wing.
Summer too has now gone in a breeze
with the green and lilac on the trees.

WILD(E) ABOUT HER ?
She was ever youthful,
such a beautiful display."
This wasn't a true picture
of Dorianna Gray !

A BURNING-GOLD AGE
The golden age of Elizabeth
still got burnings at the stake.
The welcome of a new age
could still bring some a foul-fate.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (F)

A WORLDLY-OYSTER
New breath from his caress,
new life from his dreamy kiss,
the man gave the girl.
Her lover was heavenly-bliss.
She had shone like a pearl
in the grasp of a man of the world.

A-BUSY-HONEY-BEE-CITY-IS-
PATTAYA-AH-YES
The buzz in Pattaya City
feeds me poetic-energy,
youthful ladies keep me young.
Yes the buzz in Pattaya City
feeds me poetic-energy,
youthful ladies honey on my tongue !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (E)

GIVING AND TAKING MEASUREMENTS
I am 6foot 1,
was near 6foot 3.
6 foot 1, girl,
age has done to me !
I take size 12
now in a shoe.
A size that's less
cramps my toes blue
like my blue eyes
which size up you !

WAS-TOO-BUSY-BRINGING-OTHERS-TOGETHER
A Jane Austen match-maker were you
and you met your own match,
but you just let the guy get away.
Slipped through your fingers your catch.
Your match yet no match-maker he,
there are things not damn well meant to be.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (D)

WARM WELCOME
I was to meet you
at your ice-cold-igloo
though it was warm inside.
There was a yeti
who'd dropped by for tea.
His snowgirl white as a bride.
All this I dreamed
after I had been
to tea at your place.
The girl had been pale
as a wintery tale
and the guy had a hairy-face.
Yes the girl had been pale
as a wintery tale
told by a whispering ghost.
Outside was a storm
but your room was warm,
you the perfect host.

BOUND-FOR-HOME-THE-MAN'S-FROG
I met a strange man
walking his frog
(or should that be hopping ?).
I asked "Where's the dog ?"
He replied "Dead and gone.
I've got this new pet.
He leaves no hairs
though he's slimy and wet.
I keep him in the bowl
from which my dog had fed.
The dog used to lead,
now the frog is led.
He's such a slow mover
to be very fair.
By leaps and bounds
we're sure getting there."

A TITBIT ?
Have you heard
Britain's smallest bird
is the wren ?
The long-tailed tit
would have been it
but tail's length
here disqualifies
the smallest size.

ABSINTHE ADVENTURE AFTER AFFECT !
Absinthe - the green fairy -
we drank that night,
and away, oh away,
we pair took flight
into a dragon of a dream
to awake fairy or dragon green !

A-BROOKLYN-BRIDGE-BURNING-BLONDE-YES
The 'Brooklyn Bonfire' was Clara Bow,
silver screen "It Girl", film's 'nympho'
for many men deemed in-the-know !
Unlike a silent movie show
everybody's mouth was on the go.
The 'Brooklyn Bonfire' burnt bridges,
always a little rough round the edges.

TIDAL-TRIDENT-TRIUMPH
There's been a revolution,
much of the media was wrong.
The people have spoken,
the battle is now won
by all the Brexiteers
despite many MPs wishes.
Britannia rules the waves,
has forked the EU fishes.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (C)

THE LONGER LASTING MUSE
For the Muse of all my muses;
to the Muse I do now address;
you've been the most enduring.
You're this poet's gifting goddess.

ITS WANDERING MINSTREL'S TUNE
ON HEART-STRINGS MINE
Home is where my heart is.
So it be I may roam,
to settle down where I wish.
My body is my heart's home.

CARRIED TO HER CASTLE ?
The girl was against the rich
till she won the Lottery.
Now she's a right royal bitch
when in poorer company.

Work was for the damn-fools
whose taxes paid her bills.
She'd never worked since school
and now she never will.

LOFTY LINES ?
I know that you
think me aloof,
but, young lady,
where is your proof ?

Perhaps my head
is in another land,
you by my side,
your hand in my hand !

ADAM'S-ARTY-EYE-
AMIDST-A-GARDEN'S-BIG-TREES
Eve's in the garden.
Find her naked form
his eyes - with leaves -
Adam won't go adorn.
Hers is such beauty
and there he sees
that Eve's not wood
to cover with leaves.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (B)

A MORTAL MUSE-VERSE MINE
She loved the idea
she would last in my lines.
Would last in my verse,
would last in my rhyme.
Forever be the muse
who'd stolen my time.
How long is forever
as to my short rhyme ?

FAME-WAS-TO-FADE-TOO-ONE-DAY
She trod the boards,
turned up on page.
Her portrait was painted,
she was all the rage.

Find life moves along,
even the so-very-fair age.
But her fame lived on
like a phantom on stage.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 270 (A)

SCOTTISH SNAPSHOTS
Top of the castle
in Scotland
we viewed Edinburgh
hand in hand.
The day was dull.
It was to rain.
We said that we
would come again.
But we fell silent
as the cannon
you photographed
with me leant on.
We never did
a new visit arrange
Unlike the weather
we sure would change.

THE GOLD-BRICK LIAR MOULD
They'll promise us the moon
or a land that is as gold,
the power-seeking politicians
who'll never break the mould.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (F)

FLOWERS AND CONFECTIONARY
I'll send chocolates, milk chocolates,
and I will send roses red.
Yes I'll send roses too, a bed of roses.
Have you room for a double-bed ?!

BOOK BANNERS WERE BOTH
Delete, censor of redact
as with those made a pact,
the Hitlerites, the Stalinists,
two enemies of the capitalists
whom us books will not deny
because they'd have us buy buy buy ?

WENT THEY TO THE 'WRECKING' BALL ?
It was a St Trinian's fancy dress.
Girls turned up - hair a damn mess -
in gym-slips and school uniforms,
with guys impersonating the headmistress.
All were wrecked - of course - by morn.

PERSONALLY...
Words 'male' and 'female'
are becoming no more.
'Person' and 'they'
are to the fore.

What persons they
to be nondescript
so as not to offend
some prick or tit ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (E)

A MAGICIAN
She'd not be his wife
but she'd be his 'daughter'.
Much younger than he
to the tavern he'd walk her.
They'd sit drink, talk
all about his poetry
and the magic voice
of the otherworldly.

No, she'd not be his wife
but she'd be his 'daughter'.
Listen to his tricks
on making wine out water.

NOT-ONE-A-WOLF ?
She'd has soldiers,
she'd had sailors.
Now she can joke
"They were all tailors !"

It paid her rent
and she was poor.
But it kept all
bar the wolf at her door ?

OVEN-HOT BIRD ADDITIONS
It's succulent sausages
with a-plenty stuffing
and a couple of chestnuts find.
She likes an Xmas tuck-in
to feed her juicy mind !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (D)

THE PUMKIN-LANTERN PLANET
WITH SLITTY MOUTH NOR EYES ?
Men go digging way-deep mines.
In the dark their torches shine.
Seems the earth we are hollowing,
lighting it inside like a pumpkin.

FISHING FOR THE CLUE
I went to fish
and caught a clue.
I followed the line
that led to you.
Funny that I now feel
you were the rod and reel.

CAUGHT IN THE MOMENT
Halts the hour,
stops the clock,
caught the features
where her locks
are brushed by the breeze.
She's a picture to please.

DERAILING-DEMOCRACY-DUE-TO-
SHADY-PARLIAMENT-MEMBERS
Men didn't use to have the vote
let alone all females.
Fewer and fewer cast a vote.
Democracy's running off the rails.
But many came out for a referendum
whose vote the losers would see undone !

A TOP-DECK DANCER PAIR
I love the lady legs
that are made for dancing.
I love the lady heart
that is made for romancing.
Shake a leg, let pump the heart,
on the dance-deck, girl, shall we two start ?

PC
Personal Computer.
Police Constable.
Politically Correct.
Delete Personal Computer.
Thought Police is left ?

SKY-SIGN
A new age is not
always golden.
Good and bad,
both do roll on.
Aquarius, oh Aquarius,
the two of them heighten ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (C)

A BUTTERFLY COLLECTION
"Welcome to the collective.
We don't like individuality.
We don't like originality.
We DO permit diversity
to let you think you are free.
Of our power find us protective !"

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (B)

A JEALOUS GOD OF WAR
The thunder god Thor
way up in the blue
hit me with lightning
when I set eyes on you.

Hit me with lightning
the thunder god Thor.
I saw you, girl,
but he also saw !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 269 (A)

YOU'RE MY AIM
I'll be straight with you girl,
I'm a straight sort of guy.
Straight as an arrow.
Your heart's my bullseye !

NAUGHTY NIN
The very erotic Anais Nin
was an Xmas stockings filler
for he, that porny-novelist,
who was known as Henry Miller.
He'd bed Anais as well as his wife.
Such can be the bohemian life !

CORRECTION: 'completion's in sports too' not 'competition's' should be the line in A-TOWER-OF-POWER-VERSE (many folk don't feel complete without success).

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (H)

TIME-IS-A-TRICKSTER-TOO !
I grew a long moustache
but now it has gone.
It turned into a butterfly
like the ugly duckling a swan.

It left me looking younger,
or so folk would say.
I'd grown it to look older
years before this day.
(Time, too, my friend,
goes fly away.)

PEACE-IS-PIECEMEAL
The lion and the lamb.
The hawk and the dove.
This is our circling-world;
on earth, in sky above.

ON-A-HOARY-HIGH-NOW
who are the hoary hosts
who welcome your sleep,
who feed you magic-dreams
and further fabulous treats ?

Your man is your medicine,
your life sure has changed.
Yet you're also a tonic
for your Doctor Strange.

HELL AND THE HERMIT
Great love for humanity
had the monk in his cell,
secluded from the world
that some call hell.

It is easy to love
a so grand idea
you have of mankind
when not too near !

A-TOWER-OF-POWER-VERSE
Yes there are so many
who are born to compete,
trying to climb the tower
way above the street.

Be it for the riches,
be it for the fame,
competition's in sports too,
and big-money games.

What happens to merit
when those above the street
seek to keep down the rest,
become a small elite ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (G)

BLOODHOUNDS WERE THICKER
THAN A SEA'S WATER ?
Yes the fox-hunter's horn
was heard, by all, to sound.
went after their sly prey
both the horsemen and hounds.

The sly fox ran off a cliff,
landed on a rocky ledge.
Hounds were to follow and fall
into the sea from the cliff-edge !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (F)

THE UNDEAD
Face a new day
can't the deathly guy,
from the dawning
he wishes to shy.

His girl has gone.
They'd cruelly to part.
Very-much it felt
a stake through his heart.

Find he's not living
nor is he dead.
So like a vampire's
his evening tread.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (E)

YES-A-TROUBADOUR'S-TRYING-TRAIL
I saw him play live
way back when
the music-press
called him Laughing Len.

The solemn-singer
with his irony
trying in his way
to be free.

Yes I saw him play live
way back; the man
who hit the road
with his song 'Suzanne',

and 'Bird On A Wire',
a freedom song.
He's getting there.
The road's been long.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (D)

VAIN GLORIA
She found her friend less pretty,
and that was sure to her liking
when trying to attract the boys,
didn't it make her the more striking ?
But beauty's in the beholder's eye.
Her friend got off first with a guy !

THE  -ESS  HATER ?
A 'poetess' nor an 'authoress'
dare to name her.
Yet if you said 'goddess'
she'd be so-much-tamer !

VIRGIN SOLDIERS' VENUE
At the Windmill Theatre
it was pretty girls turned,
posing like nude-statues
while London with bombs burned.
Young men got to see naked-flesh,
and elsewhere the bared-bones of death.

A TOWERING FLOWER
Were the Post Office Tower
seen just a giant flower,
the Dome a stone to a rockery,
we could go London see
now a Rock Garden City ?

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (C)

WORLD-LOST-ITS-SPIN
I recall the girl -
very-long dark hair -
whom I would spy
down at Vernon's Fair.

Sat in a waltzer
she would spin,
and her fine looks
were dizzying.

Oh tide coming in,
out this life went she,
fine girl at the fair
by Saltburn's cold sea.

A GRAND OLD GIRL
she found 'girl' offensive
until she began to age.
Now takes it a compliment
from the old boys who rage
over her shapely figure,
over her looks still fine.
She'll even call them 'pet'
without dog or rabbit in mind !

LAZY LIFE-STYLE
The wife, she comes in from work.
The husband, jobs will just shirk
even outside of their house.
Leaves the children to his spouse.
Has her serve him cups of tea
with his feet up front of the tv.
Jobs are hard to find it is true,
but bone-idle folk are more than few.

PORK-PIE-PARTIES
The political-party pooper I
cannot subscribe to pie-in-the-sky.

STATESMANSHIP
Democracy, not dictatorship.
Freedom, not the slaver's whip.

CAPTAIN HOOK-LINES
There was a further Captain Cook,
and Peter was his name.
A captain of comedy
find truly was he
who rose on the wave of fame.

AN ASS MAGNET
Some girls are magnets
for all the wrong men.
The horse-shoe magnet,
that sure fits them !

THE-MASKED-BANK-ROBBER
Not only the gunman
wears a mask,
the bank girls smiles
are too, don't ask
why it is today
they wear real frowns
for I have heard
a robber's in town.

A STALLION IN AN UNSTABLE WORLD ?
Her lover was very-much like a centaur.
Offered, was her body, on a bed of straw.
"Make love," had said the hippies, "not war."
But after, he bolted out the stable door !

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (B)

THE-BARE-BACK-BLACK-NIGHT'S-'LADY' ?
She was the kiss on my lips,
the skin beneath my fingertips,
the girl with the curvy hips
who'd her hair up in a stack
which now hung down her back
there in the candle-lit black,
in a black and backless dress.
She was the very soft caress...
and to more I don't confess !

AN EXTRA-LARGE LONDON
She was a squatter
in Notting Hill Gate,
then got herself a room
in Wood Green.
In the queue for a home
folk still sure wait,
though the fat cities
leave the forests lean.

CLAWS
She has long nails,
mousey-men to catch ?
Yes she's long nails,
scratch, scratch, scratch !
Scratch my back, pussy ?
I'd scratch hers.
I'm no poor mouse,
I'd love her purrs.

CHANGING TIDES
I was your Captain Mark
but also Doctor Strange.
Deeper than a sea for you,
loftier than a mountain range.
Predicted to be unpredictable
in a wheeling world of change.

Yes I was your Captain Mark
but also Doctor Strange.
Wider than the sky my view
you'd oft' think me deranged !
But even you see what I saw
in a wheeling world that's changed.

for MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP 268 (A)

BEHIND-THIS-STREET-THEATRE'S-SCENES
Your beauty does not bind me,
girl I am good to go.
I'm not jailed by jealousy,
would be bad were it so.

No your beauty does not bind me,
find no rattling of a cage.
You are courting another man ?
Time for me to desert this stage.

CANDLEWICK
Find Edie Sedgwick's beauty
(she was one of Warhol's film-dates)
just melted like candle-wax
with her doses of barbiturates.

AN ADULT ADVENTURE
I left behind the garden.
There's just much more to know.
Some boys-and-girls don't wish to,
but I was glad to grow.
To join the adult world
where I could be free
from the confines of the garden
and fulfill my destiny.

IT'S-THE-EVES-ARE-AWARE-
OF-THE-FRUIT-FIRST ?
Beneath the sensual zones
of the flesh on her bones
rage the girl's hormones.
But same age as the guy
whom she finds too shy
the older boy is shown
to be the apple of her eye !

MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE
Beyond the basics, girl,
there's so much more
which makes us different
that is for sure.

Religion, politics,
loves and hates.
Work and wishes,
fancies and fates.

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (H)

TRICK AND TREAT
He was her trick.
She was his treat.
She'd wait for him
head of the street.

He'd pick her up
in his flash-car.
He made her feel
like a film-star.

He had the money,
yes he'd the cash.
But then one night
his car would crash.

Out of the wreck
only one would climb.
Foot of the street
she works this time.

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (G)

ROMANCE CANDLE
Share a meal,
share some wine,
share a laugh
and a bed of mine.
Share a bath
in the dawning,
or a shower
early morning.
Yes share a meal,
share some wine,
share a laugh
while there's time.

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (F)

THE MUSE IN MORTAL FORM
And who am I to refuse
such a beauty as this muse
entry into heart-and-mind ?
Is it really for me to choose
the visions for verse I find ?

ONE PENNY BLACK
Like a bad penny
turns up the scamp
to darken the door
and leave her stamp.

AN EMPTY AIR ?
There's an invisible
power at hand.
It's in the air
throughout the land.

This invisible
power is breath
which without
there's visible death.

THE KINGLY MISSION-MAN KARMA
As a king-maker
his mission lay
in making himself
a king one day.

Making himself a lion,
a wild bush-lord.
A king in the jungle
we call the world.

FINAL-FAREWELL-TO-THIS-
LIFE'S-FINITE
Is death black
or is it white ?
Many will turn grey
before they go lay
and to us all say
their last "Good day",
or final "Good night".

WINDSOR PARK'S HORNY HERNE
Herne the Hunter
rides through Windsor.
When I say Windsor
I don't mean Barbara !

SILLY BILLY SHEATHE YOUR WILLY !
Yes he has offspring all around.
Half-man half-mountain-goat he bounds.
Someone place on him a strong-tether.
At the end of theirs find the mothers !

FROM CRACK TO CRACKLE
There on Parliament Hill
did they gang together to view
discovered fireworks that weren't to fulfill
the Gunpowder Plot of this crew ?
Only Guy Fawkes bones on the rack
would later go 'Crack ! Crack ! Crack !'

CAME TO LEAVE ?
Kick over those old Autumn leaves,
their other sides look that much newer.
Put on your face a well-pleased smile
though your years ahead are coming fewer,
for you have travelled thus far through
on the trail of trials that was paved for you. 

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (E)

ONE-LEFT-THE-PUPPET-THEATRE-TO-
WORK-ON-THE-CRUEL-FRINGE
He beat her so badly.
Blow after cruel blow
made their life look
a Punch-and-Judy show.
The kids who watched
find both their own.
One became a brute
when he was full-grown,
but not his brother.
To work he'd go
where he'd help Judies
of such a puppet-show.

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (D)

CLOVEN CROSSOVER POINT
Two weeks in Oxford
with its spires.
Find I heard no
heavenly angelic choirs,
but I saw pretty-you
in my dreams there,
horned and tailed
yet no nightmare !

A BAD SEED ?
No man is born evil ?
What of the seed sown ?
Is a man made a devil
or just that he is grown ?

A NON-NUDE PRUDE POEM
We are all sexual objects
but also something more
if we accept what's natural
(go close on prudes the door ?).

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (C)

SWINGING-THE-AXE-LEFT-TO-RIGHT
Jeremy Paxman -
a verbal axe-man -
is one to despise
every politician.
Used car salesmen
in his eyes,
he will cut down to size.

A-SHOCKED-AND-ROCKED-
QUICK-ROLLER
He saw the girl.
She was a shocker.
His hair stood up
like a punk-rockers !
She was a Goth,
a Goth-girl, yes.
The palest face,
the darkest dress,
the reddest lips,
the toothiest smile.
She crept towards him.
He ran the fastest mile !

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (B)

YES-A-VICTORIAN-FEMALE'S-LIFE-
HALVED-BY-HER-EXTREME-WOE
From the Ha'penny Bridge
She was to throw
her very own body,
a mind full of woe.
Her skirts were to act
like a parachute
which made her injury
much more acute.
She'd have died quicker
with a greater speed
her skirts disallowed.
The ground she kneed,
and there the knees
had left two holes.
Not a full penny
was Saltburn's poor soul.

267

WITH HOST CRUEL DINE
Empty and most hungry,
you pine girl, you long.
Who will be your love ?
Will there soon be merry song ?

You light both the candles
then sit down to dine
with your cruel host, Loneliness,
and his dark-red wine,

while your heart oozes
to the so sad strings
of the phantom player's fiddle,
and to his strange music clings.

from MIDDLESBROUGH MAGIC SHIP No. 48 (Autumn Special 2016)

Auf Wiedeshen, Pet was partly filmed in Middlesbrough, Jimmy Nail and company drank in the Captain Cook pub close to the Transporter Bridge. Gate of Eden, God on the Rocks, Heartbeat, Inspector George Gently, did some filming in Saltburn. I met the star of 'Eden' who went on to play Herr Flick in 'Allo 'Allo!, and got the support of the heartbeat team over my campaign to restore the Victorian pier to its full-length. 5000 signatures, however, did not sway the local council in partnership with Saltburn Improvement Company. But I did get reopened a vital footpath down to the beach which had been closed illegally, and I and a lawyer who then befriended me exposed corruption in the town and prevented the Valley Garden being defaced. The Black Adder star, Rowan Atkinson, was greeted by me and a couple of others in the Valley Garden. It was rumoured his mother was residing in Saltburn for a while.  Cheers, mateys. Captain Mark, 17/9/2016.

for PATTAYA TRADER 267 (A)

THE-FULL-LENGTH-PIER-POEM-FIND ?
Saltburn's Victorian pier
is one without an end.
To the poet John Betjeman
all piers were his friend.

Saltburn's pier was halved
by an old steamship
and now the walk is short.
You'd think it a longer trip

because it's got no end,
oh yes it has no end.
A long walk off a short pier
won't make you its friend !

RUSTY OLD NAIL ?
"Wasn't he a Geordie ?"
the youth had said,
hitting old Jimmy
Nail on the head.

OVERTAXING-THE-WORKERS-
WITH-YOUR-TAX-AVOIDANCE
Take up your money,
bank it offshore.
The people who made you rich
now make them more poor.

THE FALL
To have you, girl,
in my arms to hold,
to kiss and caress
in autumn now gold.

RAMBLED AND SCRAMBLED
Like the very Pied Piper
he led the damn way,
and like Humpty Dumpty
she cracked one day.

She never should have
danced to his tune
like a helpless-child.
He's a rat, she is a loon.

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (H)

DRUGGY-ALICE-AND-
THE-LOOKING-GLASS-YES
Alice is the lead singer
with the band Looking-Glass.
In a world sure her own
no-one gets a back-stage pass.
Male-groupies are a no-go
and the female-groupies too.
Fans can watch the band's show
but to Alice no0one gets through.

MOVING PICTURE
"I am no star," she says,
when I spy the motion-camera crew.
Perhaps not, young beauty,
but then today my muse are you !

A-HEART-HIGH-ON-HUNTCLIFF
A cupid-pink cloud
does she spy.
It's a red sun sinks
as into the sea,
from which bolts
do seem to fly.
Cupid has pierced
the pinkish-red heart of she.

A FAST AND SLOW FOOD CHAIN
Fast foods make us fat it's plain,
slow us down as on a heavy chain.

CAN OF 'QUALITY STREET' SWEETS
Equality, to match and meet,
'can' put a lid on quality
and that's not so sweet,
Beware then its quantity ?

THE TREE-TOP PRIMATES
Down in the Valley-Garden
by the monkey-puzzle-tree
met his lady a top-hat
and met her monkey she !

Puzzled were the public -
all of them Victorian -
that a lady should choose
a Darwin monkey-man !

Surely the missing-link
in the monkey chain,
she had respect to lose
but then his money to gain.

It's money buys respect
in the world today,
though not its possessors
who damn peanuts pay.

THE-TALL-TREE-WITH-
THE-SURELY-FRESHER-LEAF
Like a tree grown tall
from the ground,
he's been here long...
long-time around.
But a fresh-leaf
is she he's found.
Yes a fresh-leaf
is she, sweet she.
Too young though, sees,
for twice-her-age he ?

THE-LAZY-HANDS-OR-
THE-ENLIGHTENED-HEADS ?
So when the robots
bring us redundancy
will the idle hands
turn to thievery ?
Do the Devil's work
as find it said ?
Or self-improvement
be the way ahead ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (G)

NATURAL-TO-KNOW
As to Sex Education,
leave it to the imagination ?
Some lack an imagination.
Let the Kama Sutra give them one !

SATELLITE DISH ?
Men go orbit the girl
like moths round  streetlights,
her beauty is all the world
to these satellites.

AVIATON AND ALCATRAZ
The birdman of Alcatraz ?
Yes a jailbird was he.
Some are born to be caged,
some born to fly free.
To feed the feathered-sort
was also his destiny.

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (F)

LIKE-THE-CLOTHES-MOTH
Yes dear-lady I like
the cut of your cloth,
I like your hair-style,
your smile, your laugh.
I circle your body
as might a moth,
and love the way
you slip your clothes off !

FORGIVENESS FORGOTTEN
I was to forgive my girl
far too many times.
Lessons were not learnt,
she continued her 'crimes'.

Forgive I could no more
and I could forget she
who said "Forgive and forget,"
too many times to me.

FEATHERED AND TARRED
No jolly Jack Tars the gulls
tarred of feather on the ground.
Sailors of the skies, swimmers on the seas,
to the earth it is they're now bound.

THE ICY SLIP UP ?
There was an ice queen
whom very few men knew.
Outside her palace
they formed a queue
(some claimed it an igloo).
She'd say "Come on in,
it is warm inside,"
and along her hallway
each man would slide.
The Vice Squad called
but discovered no vice.
Melted in the arms of no one
the queen of ice.
The Vice Squad left,
a cue for the queue
to put on its skates
and get away fast too !

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (E)

SO-NEAR-YET-SO-FAR-AWAY
Sometimes I pass you
along the street.
I know I'm not the guy
you wish to meet
but the beauty before me
knocks me off my feet.

Yes at times I pass you
along the street.
I know I'm not the guy
you'd care to greet
but the beauty before me
is so bitter-sweet.

You have your mind
on another guy ?
I'll continue, girl,
to pass you by.

CORRECTION:

In GOING FOR GOLD etc, the last line of the poem should end with jaws, as in jaws of death, not the singular jaw but the plural.

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (D)

A PASSING BEAUTY
Beauty is in the eye
of the beholder,
get it out with Optrex
said the old soldier
and comic Spike.
And she's a beauty
there is no doubt,
a beauty I do not
wish to wash out.
I will view her
while yet I can.
The graveyard called
to old Milligan.

A COLD STATUE OF LIBERTY ?
Concord and Lexington
helped bring about liberty.
The guns of the foresters
helped set America free.
But now warm guns are rife
in the stone cold cities.

THE-ANCHORING-ANIMAL
The white elephant
is but a pale grey,
heavier than an albatross
around your neck all day !

PEACE AND REST
A roof above your head,
a good-meal, a girl, a bed,
is sometimes so much more
than have men torn by war.

THE OLD LOVE SONG
The horse and carriage
once was love and marriage,
or so went the song.
But to many the marriage -
like an old carriage -
is now a drag along !

DUST-TO-DUST
Some believe in ghosts.
Some in fairy folk.
Some in flying saucers.
Some think each a joke.
Some believe in God.
Some in a rebirth.
At the end of life
all come down to earth ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (C)

IT-WAS-A-DREAMY-MISS-MOUNTED-
ON-A-MARE-YES
She'd her hair in a ponytail,
a chestnut mare her mount.
I should have played the fool,
have acted the ass, the mule,
by all my friends' accounts.
I should have horsed-around
so that she would look on down !?

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (B)

GOING-FOR-THE-GOLD-
AND-ARMAGEDDON-FIND ?
To the madman in a gold-moon
America won the lunar race.
Yes the Americans set foot
upon his cratered face.

When it comes down to lunacy,
like a peanut in a black ape's paw
lies the equally cold cruel Earth
racing to the black ape's jaw ?

LOVE ABOVE
He no more likes his wife
let alone even love her,
and he hates his work.
Oh why did he bother
to rise on a Sunday
to hear some vicar preach
about love love love
when it's beyond his reach !

PLANETARY PLAN
Some are Calvinists
in worldly time.
Are the non-Calvinists
then predestined ?

If there's predestination,
all goes to plan ?
And I predestined
this poem to pen ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 266 (A)

A VINTAGE VOICE
You speak down the telephone,
your voice is like wine
flowing down the line,
pouring along the grapevine.
I love your tone, yes love your tone;
it's in my veins and heart's-home.

ICE AND FIRE
One extreme
leads to the other.
Of Far Left and Far Right
I am no brother.
States own no man,
whatever the weather.

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (H)

DRUNK ONCE A BLUE MOON ?
Whether from a flagon
or from a demijohn,
drunk she's off her wagon,
sober the gypsy's on.

Flat on her back she's fine,
gazing up at the shiny moon.
Flat on her back from red wine
the gypsy spies the blue balloon.

A DICTATOR'S DICTATION
The Berlin bonfire
saw the books burn.
Old books, new books,
and soon the bookworm.

Talent had to write
by the untalented's command.
Talent held a pen
and the Dictator gun in hand.

OVERREACTED ?
"Come storm the Winter Palace !"
"Come storm the Bastille !"
No fury like a people scorned.
It's no breeze feeling under the heel.

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (G)

A GRAND IMAGINATION
Kids like a good fairy-story
before their bedtime snores.
We know there aren't dragons
but sure once were dinosaurs.
We know there aren't wizards
but we all have magic daydreams.
Some lack an imagination,
though not the kids it seems.

TIPSY-CAME-OUT-TOPSY ?
Winston got far drunker
speaking from his bunker
during the Second World War.
British bulldog the man,
on two legs couldn't stand,
went down on all-fours.
The bulldog no bull took.
He didn't like the look
of the Nazi Hitler.
His evil ankle he bit,
Germany was over tipped.
A winner was the tippler.

UNDERCOVER AGENCY ?
She was bound for Bond Street.
Bound for Bond Street the blonde.
She went seeking the guy James
of whose films she was fond.
She knocked on a blue door
that had the number 007.
To the man who opened it
said "Hi, I'm Pearly Heaven !"
To a red door the guy pointed,
said "James'll be a bit late,
but go lie in the bedroom
with the other girls and wait."
It was thirty minutes passed
before the man with charm
entered into his bedroom
with a beauty on each arm,
said "You're all working undercover.
Don't need to set the alarm."

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (F)

YOUNG CHARMER YOU SURE ARE !
I am old, very old,
but youthful looks you see?
Yes I've youthful looks
you are telling me.
You ask am I a wizard ?
Am I a Doctor Dee ?!
You say I am not wizened
and must have longevity.
I'm not as old as that,
you dear, you fine lady !
No not as old as that,
you charming young beauty.

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (E)

A HAND ON HEART
The hand that feeds
is so often bitten
by the meritless
who are often smitten
by that attained
by those who merit.
They'd eat the hands
the hearts to inherit ?

THE-CASTLE-QUEEN'S-
HEAVY-CROWN-VERSE-YES
By Clifford's Tower
the two of them met.
The sun in full-flower
like a dandelion. Yet
as if under a cloud
drooped a heavy head.
"Our love's sure a ruin
like York Castle," she said.

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (D)

A CHEAPSIDE CHEAPSKATE'S WAITRESS
The girl worked in Cheapside,
on tables she'd there wait.
She served a guy who'd money
but was a lewd-cheapskate.

He told her he was wealthy
and looking for a bride.
She told him she was waiting...
and by waiting she'd abide !

THE VOLCANIC LOVERS
With heated desire
the lovers lay;
ever after found
in cold clay.

Vulcan, he voiced
his wrath in fire,
vented on a town
his very own desire.

LIVING OVER THE BROOM
They leapt over a brush,
are now on honeymoon.
Swept off her feet the girl
by her broomstick-groom.

She finds it's very magical.
Leap and sure you're wed
just like the poor of old.
No sweeping under the bed !

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (C)

JORVIK VERSE
York's city walls,
its castle within.
Guy Fawkes born here.
Arrived Dick Turpin.
An inland port
for the old Vikings.
The Burton Stone
kept out plague victims.
The poet Auden
with his ink-ins.
Once ruled here
the great King Edwin.

A RED TO BLUE WOLF'S ROAR
Red bill on the floor.
The wolf's at your door.
It makes you blue
and the one to roar !

ODD COD !
Were you meant to fly
you'd have bird-wings ?
I've seen you swim,
where're your fish-fins ?!

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (B)

ON AN UN-SHIPSHAPE STATE
A damn riot in Grosvenor !
At Downing Street's number ten
rounds-off a Square day
a sure out-of-shape PM.

THE-NEEDLE-TRACKS-ALONG-HER-ARM-
ARE-NOW-AN-OLD-SONG
She chances the arm
with a dirty needle
there upon her very
old-record-table.

The music crackles
along the worn track.
All will one day
turn to vinyl black.

for PATTAYA TRADER 265 (A)

IN-THE-CINEMA-WE-WERE-FOUND-
AFTER-THE- SUN-WENT-DOWN
Girl, you and I were
in London's Leicester Square
the sparrows twittering there
in the electric-bulb-lit trees
that made the dark night
more of a dreamy-twilight,
a whispering ghost the breeze.
'The Vampire Lovers' the picture-show,
I drank you up in the back row !

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (G)

A-WILD-NATURE-AND-CONCRETE-NORM
Not the Blessed Bran
but Bran the Green Man,
sea-god and sea-fairy's son.
Bran of the wild wood,
of green nature be it understood,
he of wild vegetation.
Bran of the green isle,
Bran giant-god-man wild,
whose name had meant Raven.
Green king with club in hand
defends no more the woodland.
Earth becomes concrete ridden.

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (F)

MERMAIDED-SEA-FOR-SAPPHO ?
The Greek-poetess Sappho,
her island gave to she
the name lesbian, oh,
she loved her own sex, see.
Ah yes the Lesbos isle
homed her tears and her smiles.
Swallowed her, beach-tonguing sea ?

YES-THE-MISTY-MYTHICAL-TIMES ?
Gog and Magog
or Gogmagog,
giant or giants
lost in the fog.

Lost in the fog
of long, long ago.
Myth, legend,
says this is so.

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (E)

BRITANNIA'S BOADICEA
I am all for Albion,
the white Dover cliffs dear,
and for the fighting spirit
of Queen Boadicea !

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (D)

OUT OF THIS WORLD
Her breasts are full-moons
and distant stars her eyes
that are dreamily a-twinkle,
yes the suns of alien skies.

And here she reclines
upon a bed-sheet white
that contrasts with the curtain
we call the dead-of-night.

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (C)

POET POSSESSED
Robbie Burns
liked to spill drink,
but not when
he spilled ink.

Robbie Burns
loved the maids,
but not when
his Muse would invade.

CORRECTION:

Line below should read: 'bobby boots were up thugs' brackets !'

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (B)

DOUBLE DEALING ?
In Bethnal Green and Mile End
there was no-one could pretend
these weren't places for rackets.
Gloves were off, knives were out,
mobsters, gangsters were all about,
bobby boots were up their brackets !
But bobby boots weren't getting up
the backsides of the twins at the top.
The twins at the top of their game
were Ronnie and Reggie Kray. Crime
was their indulgence, prison time
would greet these brothers of ill-fame.
Though where crooks fed-off each other
there was nobody that much bothered.

NO PERFECT PEACE FIND
She's living in a cottage
with roses round the door
and a mind at peace
in a world without war.

But then it's she awakes
in a bedsit with rising damp.
There's no damn peace-of- mind
with or without army camps !

YOU GO TO MY HEAD, GIRL
There was the god Bacchus,
but to you, girl, the wine-bush.
In our coupling I am heady,
in our coupling I'm unsteady,
in our coupling, girl, find I'm flushed.

for PATTAYA TRADER 264 (A)

KEPT-WIDE-OF-A-CAPONE-APER ?
He though that he was Al Capone,
orang-utan right to the bone
his knuckles scraped along the street,
no shoes would fit his hairy-feet.
There were some said they bet he
was an abominable kind of yeti.
Perhaps a yeti is an ape too ?
but an orang-utan sure will do.

Peanuts and bananas do I enjoy,
naught else ate that monkey-boy.
A violin case with a gun inside ?
No. But was best avoid him, hide !

for PATTAYA TRADER 263 (D)

OUT OF THIS WORLD
Her breasts are full-moons
and distant stars her eyes
that are dreamily a-twinkle,
the suns of alien skies.

And here she reclines
upon a bed-sheet white
that contrasts with the sheet
we call the dead-of-night.

for PATTAYA TRADER 263 (B)

THE-HEAD-AND-THE-TAIL
At the Mermaid Tavern,
there in Cheapside,
the Poets' Drinking Club
would meet and imbibe.
Serving wenches would serve
with a so saucy-nerve.
Big-thoughts-and-bawdy were the given.

AS-HIGH-AS-THE-KITES
The flying of a kite
or of a kid's balloon
while running, then resting
on a sunny Sunday afternoon.
The sharing of a bath
or of a shower too,
when home from the park,
or home from the zoo.
The lying in your bed
or the lying in mine
after another kind
of kite flying time !

ROB-ON-ROB
Robin was a poacher
pardoned by the King
to join his army
and pull the bow-string.

To pull the bow-string
and to shoot teach.
So said Robert Graves
with his historic-reach.

A NEW DAWN'S LATEST
Not far from Newgate
a Moll, a Fanny, met her fate.
A Tom, a Dick, swung free
from a world of misery.
For Tyburn Tree, no-one late ?

THE HOMELAND BRITAIN
I was not one
for building walls,
but we need safety, girl,
sometimes, after all.
Would you want, girl,
a burglar to call ?
Better the guy would be
behind prison walls ?
There are many homeless
who'd welcome four walls.
Britain too is a home
to all these poor souls.

A BOW BELLE ?
With his Cockney rhyming slang
up the 'apples-and-pears'
he invited the lovely lady,
to have her French foul his ears !

for PATTAYA TRADER 263 (A)

DRY HUMOUR DUO
We two were like
'Withnail and I'
who weren't Lake Poets
(too young and dry ?).
You no aristocrat,
more the footpad,
me a so-fed-up
back-to-London lad.

MENTALIST-OR-MATRERIALIST ?
Mind over matter
or matter over mind?
Would seem the many
are in the latter's bind !

INDIVIDUALITY VERSE
Highly individual ?
Feeling on your own ?
What of the very people
who act like clones ?
The same-as folk
can also feel alone.

CAN-CAN
In Paris, in Pigalle,
you said can't, I said can.
You went Parisienne
and I went Parisian.
The rude-as-roses dancers
danced for the man,
and for the ladies present
did not give a damn !

BEARERS-AS-TO-BEAUTY
She walked regally 'long Regent Street
but it was not until King's Road
a little girl called her "Princess"
though she carried her own load.

Yes she carried her own bags
and carried her own weight
though men have made the offer
due to her beauty and her gait.

CHAIN-GANG GIRLS ?
She liberated her leg
from its ball and chain
and slept with young men
again and yet again,
but she'd many friends
gave the lady a bad name.
Her leg, with shapely twin,
won't walk that way again.

DUALITIES ?
Man and woman,
night and day,
good and bad,
swear or pray,
love and hate
or middle way,
black and white
but also grey.

POETS, PROPHETS, PUZZLERS ?
Not so much a messenger,
perhaps more a challenger ?
Maybe a mystic warrior ?
A questing questioner ?

BRIAN A BELLOWING MINOTAUR ?
A postcard from Patten
had come my way.
He was over the sea
on a very hot holiday.
He liked Greek-girls
and I've got to say:
'The performance poet
was performing away' !?

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (H)

CHINA TEA
So like china dolls
you are fragile,
and it is rarely
I see you smile.

But chin up, China,
just drink your tea,
crack a quick smile do
for your own beauty.

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (G)

A GRANDMA WOLF
I hear that Little Red Riding-Hood
went at a gallop through the wood
on her pony, as if giving chase
to a chicken-thief fox, her heart a-race.
But with her was not one bloodhound,
for to her granny's cottage she was bound,
though the creature on her granny's bed
turned out to be a hairy wolf instead.
Her heart had raced because the moon
would be fully round so very soon,
and now it was racing far much more
finding a wolf-woman behind the door.
Granny was a werewolf as she was told.
The teeth were sharp, the eyes were bold,
the wolf-woman leapt at the child
who swung her axe, swung it wild,
and cut the beast with its silver blade.
Into a grave the granny-wolf was laid.

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (F)

RAVEN
Either up or let down
her raven hair
crowns a creature
so fine, yes so fair,
has the boys raving
and flying to her.

THE BAD APPLE MADE FOR THE HANGING TREE
Cross the Thames to Whitechapel.
Jack the Ripper, a black-rotten apple,
crossed over into infamy.
An apple to merit old Tyburn Tree
if ever caught, damn fiendish he.

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (E)

OUT OUR RIGGING !
Sail me do, my sailor girl,
as I sail you, around the world !
Be so naughty, Nautical.
Wheel my mind like a wheeling gull.
I'm the top and you bottom bunk,
I must be like a junkie on junk.
Yes sail me do, sailor girl,
as I sail you, around the world !

TWISTED TYRANT ?
Mussolini was an anarchist,
a communist, later a fascist.
We all change our minds.
Find Benito's seemed to twist !

BEFORE A DOWNHILL AGE
Call him spring-heeled Jack,
yes spring-heeled Jack,
he's up at dawn's crack,
over the wall, down the track.

Call her spring-heeled Jill,
yes spring-heeled Jill,
she shall meet fine Jack
behind the spring day's hill.

Behind the hill, behind the hill,
meet her Jack will fair Jill.
Young love shall have its fill
before the two are over the hill !

FLOATING THE IDEAS
At least when Big Bombs drop
we're all in the same boat.
Dying with each other.
There's an idea to float !
At least when overpopulation
weighs heavily down the boat
we'll sink with each other.
There's an idea to float !
No soldier will die alone,
no nurse will miss the boat.
I myself will not survive
with more ideas to float.

SMELLING PISTAKES
Typing errors I make
most of the time,
but not a mistake
is my near-rhyme.
Vernacular nor archaic
will you find a mistake.

THE COLOURFUL CLOTHES COCK-UP ?
Women like to shop,
women like to buy,
women like the clothes
that catch a man's eye.

Women are like birds,
like males of the nest.
Look at the peacock
and the robin redbreast !

ART SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES
OF HIGHER EDUCATION
The paint-sprayed pictures
and writings on the wall,
colourful graffiti get to be seen
by one of us and all.
If only some could spell ?
If only some had art ?
But education and talent do
find often walls apart !

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (D)

TOO HIGH AND TOO LOW
The law of opposites
is rich and poor.
The law of opposites
wind-sweeps the floor.
The law of opposites
scrapes, with clouds, the sky.
But fairer weather says
'less wet, more dry'.

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (C)

RICH DEVIL AND POOR SAINT
He was born into high society
and led a life of luxury.
Why did he let crime taint ?
She was born into lowly circumstance
by divine design or by chance ?
But she turned out to be a saint.
The outcome of their lives predestined
or was it to do with choice of mind ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (B)

A BLACK PEARL
All the words rhymed,
the girl sang in tune.
A pearl before swine,
reason left the barroom.

The white-folk jeered
in the cowboy saloon.
"No blacks, no red men,"
spat into the spittoon

the wild west males.
Outside a white-moon -
supported by black-space -
spotlighted the saloon.

for PATTAYA TRADER 262 (A)

AWESOME WELLES
The man Orson Welles,
awesome once stood he.
As huge as Citizen Kane
his film. A big news story.
Yes awesome he once stood,
idea-pricked by the Rosebud ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (H)

CONSPIRACY CLUB
There are conspiracies,
be they high or low.
Whether it's big business
or petty hoods on Ratarse Row.
Whether it is government
(government of all kinds).
I'm no Conspiracy Theorist,
to the reality I'm not blind !

A SANDY-SKINNED GIRL
Her body was a map
I loved to explore.
A voyage-of-discovery
was the girl next-door
to the room I lived
in a tropical land
where I - a sure hot sun -
shone on her skin of sand.

STARRY EYES
You might well be from Venus,
I might be from the planet Mars,
but what we have between us...
we both arrived from the stars !

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (G)

ENEMY LOVER ?
The absence of love
doesn't always mean hate,
and to be loved
isn't always to reciprocate.
You call every man your brother.
Do you think your enemy YOUR lover ?

MASKING DIFFERENCES ?
Some are beautiful,
some ugly find, or plain.
When it comes to looks
we are not all the same.

No, when it comes to looks
not all the same are we.
Which mask as to the three
aught we wear to get equality !?

MADE-FOR-MARYLEBONE
Yes from rags to riches,
from a duck to a swan,
the girl now resides
in posh Marylebone.
Boys pulled her pigtails
when she was at school.
They called her "ugly",
but now the guys drool.
She skips down the catwalk
like a lithe leopard.
She's come a long way
since the old-schoolyard.

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (F)

FROM-SEA-LEGS-TO-SEA-WINGS ?
Yes my uncle was a sailor
who anchored down in Hull
where he spent his final-days
before his soul became a gull ?

THE UP-AND-COMING CROW
Find green with envy
was Sir Robert Greene,
referred to Shakespeare
as a damn Shake-scene
and an upstart crow.
How the higher disliked
the ever-rising low !

A QUICKENING

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (E)

THE QUICKENING
Upon Pegasus rides the Muse
downwards to this earth.
Rides with speed on her steed
who speeds for all his worth.
And this is the quick-fire epigram
for the too-damn-fast unthinking man ?

LAUGH OUT LOUD
A laugh crept in
from under the door
and just left us both
roaring on the floor.

The laugh spread
and then crept out.
It left a full bar
rolling about.

A contagious laugh
that was to part
and leave merrier
the drunken heart.

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (D)

TO BE FAIR
To love your enemy
is to say all's fine.
How could I love
an enemy of mine !

DEMON DANCER ?
She danced to the jukebox
just in white bobby socks,
no shoes upon her feet.
The girl went wild, very,
to the sound of Chuck Berry
and that black guy's beat.
Some thought her possessed.
Exorcised, was a better guess.
Ah sixteen. How sweet ? !

CATS FALL ON THEIR FEET
Find I knew a girl
who was a ginger tom,
spent her dole on cats.
Oh what a throng !
Were these her harem ?
Men she wouldn't meet.
She cast away good-money
always to land on her feet !

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (C)

THE DISTANT DISCUS THROWER
Is that a flying Frisbee
or a far-off flying-saucer
caught in your photograph ?
"It's my discus," says the thrower
coming closer to where we are.
No nearer to beings from afar ?!

ON-INDIVIDUAL-LIVING
She lives in the country
by a roaring waterfall
with which she's so familiar
she now hears it not at all.

He lives in the city
by a roaring wide road
with which he's so familiar
he no more hears the heavy load.
With noise they've been familiar
but only in this are the two similar.

ORIGINAL
Wish to be your favourite actor ?
Wish to be your favourite pop-star ?
Just try to be your own true self.
Originality can be better by far !

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (B)

WHAT A WASTER !
Bobby Thompson,
the Little Waster he
who got big-laughs
for his Andy Capp-ery ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 261 (A)

A-GOING-SINGLE-GIRL
It is her own body
and she will decide
what to do with it.
Not as if she wants suicide.

Yes it's her own body,
she'll be no man's bride.
She will entertain men
in her own stride.

THE ROULETTE WHEEL
Most would like
big money win.
The wheel of fortune
the world in spin.

DARK CHOCOLATE
We two - oh
what a duo
me and her.
Now I'm solo
all's still cocoa
but without the stir.

A SOLO-POLO-SORT
Find I'm single,
yes I am solo,
I'm a journeying
Marco Polo.
From job to job
do I go.
From town to town,
from land to land,
I journey on
towards my end,
and - perhaps -
once there, beyond ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (H)

GOING-ON-A-GRAIL-TRAIL-AND-TRAVELLING-
ADVENTURE-NO ?
Yes it's viewing-tourists galore
have visited Glastonbury Tor.
Did the Christ-child's small feet
England's green pastures meet
as William Blake asked before ?
Some shall consider it no tall tale
and wish to find a long-lost holy-grail.

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (G)

HI, LITTLE LADY !
6 foot 1 inch high -
and with blue eyes -
I am closer to the sky
than are you.
You are closer to the ground
with grass-green eyes I've found.
Girl you've got me looking down.
Earth and sky we two ?

LOOK, LISTEN, LEARN
In an expanding universe
best expand the mind,
or like a cave-dweller
find you'll be left behind.

View the bigger picture, girl,
don't look at me so narrow.
The wheel has been invented,
roll on into tomorrow.

THE-WILD-CAT-WOMAN-
FISH-DISH-YOU-CAN-FIND
Cats eat fish,
catfish dislike cats.
Catfish for my woman
was an aphrodisiac.
What a wild Siamese cat
after the eating of that !

SEBEK
Guards the god-crocodile
Egypt's the River Nile.
With rubies for his eyes,
the god-crocodile dreamily-sighs.
But beware his lazy smile !

DROWNING IN YOUR EYES
You scratch my back
like the Greek harpy
as you groan, girl,
and gasp sharply.

We both soar up
and shall come down.
Like the Greek siren
you'll watch me drown.

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (F)

EMBRACE
It was very nice girl,
yes very pleasant.
We cock and hen,
a brace of pheasants.
Ah, cock and hen.
Let's em-brace again !

'L' FOR LEATHER
A learner rider
on a motorbike -
dressed in black-leather -
with a lightning strike
hit the brick-wall.
Yes hit a brick-wall
as in our haste
cannot we all ?

THE-BEAST-WITHIN-BEAUTY
Beauty has a cruel beast inside.
Just like a lady Jekyll and Hyde.
Her beastly-love is a drug
from which many friends have died.

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (E)

CHALLENGERS
There will always be deniers,
the self-righteous, the liars,
the cheats and the frauds,
fighters of a lost cause.
Cool promoters of utopias
who'd give us dystopias,
the overdone try-try-agains,
the folk who'd like their chains.
There'll ever be the negatives
to challenge the positives.

YES-A-SHADOWY-LADY-WAS-SHE
He was an Edgar Allen Poe.
She was a saucy black-widow.
He a man of mystery and imagination,
they together had sexual-relations.
But it was she ate him up whole,
devoured his body, spat out his soul.
Imagination to her was no damn mystery,
ate several husbands so spidery she !

LESSONS-IN-LIFE
A wise man knows
there's more to know
and it's a fool thinks
this is not so.
Yet there are teachers
who never left school
and to whom theory
is the golden rule.
Never been here,
never worked there,
student to tutor gone
only to declare
"Read the best books."
But which books those ?
And who is it
these books chose ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (D)

BANGKOK-LADY'S-BEAUTY-
GAVE-ME-NO-MORE-BUZZ
I was far too busy being a honey bee
but little honey did I get from she.
Sure few drops from the girl were wrung.
By my wasp-waisted-woman I was stung.
Beauty was to lose its buzz, so "Sawadee !"

NOT-WHEN-IN-HER-OWN-HOME
A queen of the catwalk,
yes a catwalk queen;
she will wear - when at home -
only T-shirt and jeans.

Fashion is, of course,
just anything for show.
New clothes, find, come in,
soon out again to go.

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (C)

THE MADAM'S MONKEY
You were a Madam Butterfly
though found the sun unsettling.
Yes sure were a Madam Butterfly
but I was a Monkey King.

Ah a Monkey King was I
who was out, girl, for fun,
and you a rare butterfly
unsettled in the shiny sun.

You always sought the shade
like a moth in your room.
I'm back with the English roses
who in the sunshine bloom.

THINK-OUTSIDE-THE-BOX
One world ? One World ?!
A world where all are one ?
A world that an individual
can not escape from ?
A world like a box
where the lid is tightly on,
only cotton-wool between us
now just fragile everyone ?

Correction:

MISTER-MATERIAL-MAGIC 'You sold your soul' first line.

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (B)

GOODBYE TO ALL THAT
Went into self-exile
across the white waves
he of 'The White Goddess',
the Muse-poet Robert Graves.

Went into self-exile
for things just weren't cricket
to the man who felt
like a 'Roebuck In The Thicket' ?

MISTER-MATERIAL-MAGIC
Your soul you sold
to Mr. Mephisto.
You will get your goal
with the "Hey Presto"
from the cold lips of he
whose magic works just materially.

RUDE RUDYARD
Went young Rudyard Kipling,
after drinking, or rather tippling,
into the foreign city's night.
There opium and dark prostitutes
offered their flowers and their fruits.
Offered the writer their delights.
And where every Jack had another's Jill
would Kipling also find himself a thrill.
Victoria wouldn't have thought it right !

for PATTAYA TRADER 260 (A)

THE-TURN-OF-TIDE-VERSE
In the hope of success
she took the name of a man.
The tide turned high from low
for she, George Sand.

COWGIRLS AND BOY-BULLS
Many a cowgirl danced
in The Highway Star,
a country-and-western
Thailand beer bar.
They had hats on heads
and boots on feet
on the City-of-Pattaya's
Walking Street.
Country-and-western
is not this boy's tune
but the cowgirls drove
bulls over the moon.

THE-MIGHTY-STAGE-MAGICIAN'S-HAT
A mighty top-hat,
upturned on the ground,
the kids fetched a ladder,
climbed up and fell down,
down down down
inside the great top-hat,
fell fell fell
onto a leafy-mat.
All around was magic,
no rabbit to be found,
but they felt like Alice
in the girl's underground.
"Wake up, wake up, wake up,
time to rise from bed,"
shouted their magician dad
who'd an almighty head !

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (G)

NEW YORK
It was known as New Amsterdam
until the Duke of York
cleared-out the Dutch.
Now a French statue in its port
stands for liberty.
Americans speak English.
May English stand for 'FREE'.

YES-ON-FINDING-THE-WILD-
INDIAN-BUCK-FLED-THE-PALE-FACES'-
CAMP-ONCE-MORE
"That lousy renegade rebel redskin
has reservations as to the reservation."
As to the fleeing Indian Rufus Buck
spoke the cavalry's 'loose'-tongued captain.

A-SQUARE-COUPLE-SLOANE ?
Mr. and Mrs. Sloane,
they both are square?
There is no circling
with other millionaires ?
There's no love-triangle
with butler or au pair ?
Mr. and Mrs. Sloane,
together they never bare ?
Today, sounds so rare !

A-GLOBAL-GAME
The world's a stage
as Shakespeare knew
(The Globe Theatre's name
suggested this too !).

We all act a part,
we all play a role.
We all do our turns
as To Be is our goal.

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (F)

A-GRAIL-GIRL'S-GIFT
She was purely holistic
in her endeavor,
she built a toy ship,
its sail a dove-feather,
and then she went
down to the river,
gave the ship her blessing,
said "Bon voyage, forever.
May he who nets you
his devils sever
and let you go again,
let you drift down river
to be netted by others
over and over and over."

She was purely holistic
and not half-hearted,
the wide-ocean the grail
to which her ship parted.

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (E)

DOT SPOT
When I left school
my first employ
was alongside you...
it's me Dot -the van boy.

The vans I'd empty
as they drove in,
and put the deliveries
in selected bins.

You liked my poems,
you were an older joy.
Thanks for the memory Dot,
it's me - the old van boy.

COMING THROUGH
Yeats, W.B.,
and Thomas, D.
Irishman, Welshman;
very-good verse-poetry.

Lawrence, D.H.,
and Larkin, P.
Come these English;
very-good verse-poetry.

YES-AN-OPEN-HOUSE-
CLOSED-THEIR-FATE
The-Blind-Beggar pub
saw the Krays' demise -
for though the walls held ears -
it's floor supported eyes.

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (D)

FLEET'S-FREE-FLOATERS-NO ?
Imagine yourself on Fleet Street
where many a journalist has sailed
reeking of smoke and public bar beer
with the meaty stories they had whaled,
and columns taller than is Big Ben
when it came down to content.
Huge headlines for the morning
and tall tales helped pay the rent.
But truths were also to find their place
in printed papers we know as the news,
and justified the mast-headed journals
and journalists who up Fleet cruised.

A BARED BEAUTY ?
She lay on her bed
in sure sexy underwear.
By her pillow sat
a fluffy Paddington Bear.

Our love-making over -
find warm and snug -
oh boy ! I gave the girl
a big Paddy-Bear-hug.

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (C)

DON'T-NEED-A-TELESCOPE-
TO-VIEW-A-DARK-VENUS
No need for a spy-glass,
here she comes, do look !
What a dusky beauty !
A Venus, in my book.
She's got me cooking.
Yes call me Captain Cook !

EPIGRAM-FOR-THE-
GOTHIC-LIKE-EMILY ?
Emily Dickinson
in white (a shroud ?).
Her room (a coffin?)
no one allowed.

APATHY'S CIRCUS ?
The last I visited
old Camden Town
the street juggler
and the street clown
did their thing
as they did in York,
but where I'm now
there's very-little work
from the juggler
or from the clown.
Idle beggars only
just sitting around.

OVERBURDENED
"Don't go concrete me over
from Scotland to Dover,
you've got to let me breathe !
Don't burden me with citadels,
with toxic fumes and foul smells,
I'm your motherland, yes believe !"

JEFFREY-WAS-JUST-A-ONE-OFF-NO ?
That guy Jeffrey Bernard,
find now dead and gone,
you'll safely-bet drank more
than "Just the one !"

A-SWIFT-SCENE-CHANGE-FELLOW-
SURE-NOW-FEELS-OLD-AND-TIRED
It is a female impersonator
performing at theatre The Scene.
He caught a train from King's Cross
and used to be called a drag-queen.
The times sure are changing,
changing as fast as he
into the clothes of a woman.
Grey wig for a guy now a she ?

THE-NON-JOKE-JEWEL
Ah yes Mayfair Madge
slept with a badge,
with a bobby blue.
She was wealthy,
he just healthy,
too good to be true.
Love and laughter,
what was he after ?
Was it her money ?
Was the cop a crook ?
Was the girl handcuffed
to a bent bunny ?

Oh Madge to be fair
May was in the air,
you were no April fool.
Why show him the door
as if he an outlaw,
throw away the jewel ?

PORT-TO-PORT-POET
With the blonde, brunette and redhead
I have gone and shared a bed,
with the dusky-skinned-girl too.
Many the work-lives I have led,
many the seas I have journeyed
but just like naval-men who love the oceans blue
to the Muse of Poetry I've been most true.

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (B)

ROCK BUN
The girl moves,
she grooves,
shakes out her hair.
No severe bun,
it comes undone.
She rocks, yeah !

for PATTAYA TRADER 259 (A)

A-SO-TASTY-LONDON-TOWN-
LADY
Long legs, short skirt,
blouse busty and frilly,
the girl walks around
bow boy Eros and Piccadilly.

Wine, dine, party-time,
over on Soho's Greek Street?
Men's minds stray, wide-eyes follow,
their tongues would like to greet.

CAGEY PANDA
Eyes like a panda,
it is not mascara.
Both of them bruised,
she is so abused.

A DEGREE IN SEDUCTION
Actress Ross, she was boss
in The Graduate.
Cougar cool, she was to school
in the X-rate.

A TUNNEL VISION ?
Once upon a time
I worked down a mine
as though I were a mole.
Those days no more
there are still men bore
themselves into a hole.

WEDDING BAND
Yes wedlock's
a binding thing,
but some Houdinis
escape the ring !

FIGURE-IT-OUT-GIRL
Their Adam's apples now gone
you can't tell them from Eve ?
You'd tell them ladyboys, girl,
without their thongs, or fig leaves !

THE-BIRDS-OF-A-FREEDOMLESS-
FEATHER-NO ?
Speak freely today
and your tongue is 'loose'.
You must not say
"Boo" to a goose.
And all are geese
where folk gaggle
wagging tongues,
waggle ! waggle !

YES-A-WORDY-WIZARD'S-OLD-
LINES-NOW
The old wizard unrolls
a yellowing scroll
by flickering candlelight.
The lively wind howls
like wild wolves
out in the moonlit-night.
He reads of his love,
of his lady, his dove,
and young wizard he.
A wizard with words,
but flown his coo-bird.
Here yesteryears' poetry.

CORRECTION:

and drank wine from her shoe (below).

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (G)

GLASS-SLIPPER-GIRL ?
Her stepmother was a hag
who kept her dressed in rags,
but find she's no more blue.
She was left a lot of money
by a wealthy godmummy
and drank from her shoe
the man with the red rose
who kisses the five toes
that are now on view.
Cinders has a lover and fan
who's both her prince and footman ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (F)

A-LADY-FROG-SOUGHT-A-
HUMAN-SPELLBOUND-PRINCE
The girl had hoped
to break a spell
by kissing frogs
near a wishing well.
She kissed, kissed.
Wow, what a snog !
But no frog-prince
for this princess-frog.

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (E)

MAKING-MONKEYS-OUT-A-MOB ?
A monkey is to fool
the port of Hartlepool.
They think it a French spy
and hang the monkey high.
"Oh what an abomination
are they of the French nation,"
cry the crowd below
the monkey on the gallows
who thinks bananas gone
the crowd acting as one.

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (D)

DISTRESS SIGNALS
In the sea of life,
every bottle carried a note
he delivered to his friends' doors.
They read "Keep yourselves afloat".

"Keep yourselves afloat" they read,
swim and don't sink down",
but he - already sinking -
in beer was to drown.

A-POLITICAL-POWER-PACT
Both Hitler and Stalin made a pact
till Adolph did his treacherous act.
Extremes sure meet in the circle of life
when marching far enough Left and Right.

IDLE RICH
He used to be a union rep.,
ever talked about poverty and debt
as to his fellow workers.
But then he was to win the Lottery.
Suddenly idle his mouth and he.
Sure could afford to be a shirker.

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (C)

THE DEMON-DARK-DAYS
Beowulf, St. George, Sir Gawain,
fought monster, dragon, giant fleshed green.
Every hero sure has a dark villain
as both myth and history have seen.

PARTNER-PROBLEMS-EVEN-
IN-PARADISE-EVE !
Lilith was the first wife's name,
though bat-winged the woman became,
cursed Adam and then away flew.
So to Eve he turned to begin anew.

A-BREAK-IN-THE-BOHEMIAN-
BACKBONE ?
Around Ladbroke Grove
he was to rove
a broken-down guy.
An area of tribes,
artists and scribes,
his the load of many a 'high'.

ARTISTIC LICENSE
Shakespeare coined new words.
Poetic license I have heard
and the vernacular voice.
Seek spelling mistakes is your choice ?

THE-TWO-HOT-PATTAYA-PALMS
A song for Da
and a song for Dem.
This song I sing
for the both of them.
They are the palms
between which I swing
like a hammock
in a Pattaya wind.

FIERY-VIKING-FUNERAL-
BOAT-VERSE
As the phoenix burns to ashes
so like the smoke to go rise,
burn to ashes my dead body.
Cast to winds beneath the skies
my remains, upon the very shore
where Viking long-ships went before.

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (B)

A-WYCLIFFE-WONDERMAN
Not for peace but with a sword
came the man they called The Lord.
No walked-all-over-pacifist he
out to overthrow a ruling enemy
by the spread of his, Christ's Word ?

PLOTTERS
If a just God
had foreseen all this:
was Jesus 'betrayed'
by Judas's kiss ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 258 (A)

BLUE HEAVEN
Yes when in Rome
do as the Romans do.
With a Romeo gigolo
she danced the night through.
With an Italian stallion
romance sure was blue.
No friends, no family
to say "Don't you !"

PAM'S-UNDER-PARLIAMENT-PIMP
Pamela's Pimlico pimp,
yes what a ponce.
A Westminster Bridge wino
find the guy was once.
It put him on the path
to being street sharp,
now he's crossed over
from dim to very dark.

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (G)

IT'S-THE-THUMB-DOWN-TOM-
AS-TO-OPIUM
Thomas de Quincey, he
sure'd no hope in dreamy opium.
A giant chaser of the dragon,
he was next a Tom Thumb.

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (F)

BOHO SOHO ?
Strip-artists, all go-go.
Bohemians, in Soho ?

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (E)

FIND-A-FOXY-GUY-AND-
A-COUGAR-WOMAN
The girl likes the silver-fox,
a father-figure is he.
The cougar likes the very boy
whom she will call sonny.
Toy-boys and sugar-dads,
girls with youth the cougars had.

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (D)

DIVINE MADNESS?
Mystic or mad-monk ?
Which one was Rasputin ?
Was he a cure or a curse ?
And did he have a fling
with an infatuated Tsarina ?
Was Romanov a romantic dreamer ?

A-MIDWAY-DARK-DAY
You're at the crossroads
in your mid-life-crisis.
The clouds are black,
the wind's a wild kiss.
Which route you take
find there's no escape.

BANGKOK-BURLESQUE-BEAUTY
Black-stockings, blue-garters,
find stripped for me
my lovely-lotus-flower,
my very own Gypsy-Rose-Lee !

WRITER-WELLS-AND-
REBEL-WEST
Scribbler H.G. Wells,
he sure loved the belles
when he'd free time.
With Rebecca West
the guy undressed.
She'd a liberal mind.
The Time Machine -
for such a team -
could've saved more time !

PENNY BLACK
Turn up can bad Penny,
the spot she lives is as black as any.
She leaves on men her stamp
like the lousy Victorian vamp.

DULL DAY ?
Pink, blue or even green
the alien visitor might have been.
But witnesses said he was grey.
Would a starman brighten your day ?!

A-BIG-FIX-BOXER-FIND
Being a boxer in the ring
makes of the man a king.
The spectators come very-much alive
when his opponents take-a-dive.
He's a pretender on the throne,
but not even the 'losers' moan.

IT'S-AMSTERDAM'S-LOST-POINT-MAN
He lapped-up the Heineken,
whoop ! whoop ! whoop !
The Red Light District disappointing
now he had the brewer's droop !

SKATING-ROUND-COPS'-QUESTIONS ?
Kate Skate -
from Billingsgate -
is a fishy sort.
She flatly denies
she is telling lies
'oft times the girl is caught
in a slippery situation.
Theft is her occupation.

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (C)

ONE FOR SORROW
Black and white,
half-truth, half-lie,
stole the girl's heart
the thieving magpie.
He looked deep into
her blue and grey eyes,
he told her tales,
she felt she could fly.
Now the fellow's gone
she just wants to die.
Stole her heart and gold
the thieving magpie.

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (B)

THE-GARY-COOPER-GUN-HAND ?
I'm a gun-slinging poet,
my pistol is my pen.
I shoot from the hip
and my pen's tip.
It's now 'High Noon' again !

for PATTAYA TRADER 257 (A)

LOOK WHO'S PASSING
Her body is the temple
of tantric-sex,
the Kama Sutra Queen
turns heads, twists necks.
The girl is one
of a dying breed.
The sixty second quickie
is the Johnny Rotten creed !

for PATTAYA TRADER 256 (F)

DUST-AND-ASHES
Ashes to ashes
(the bold and the brave).
Stardust to stardust
(etch on their grave).

for PATTAYA TRADER 256 (E)

ASHES-TO-ASHES,-STARDUST-TO-
STARDUST ?
David Bowie, he's dead, he's gone,
for many a year the Starman shone.
What he did was damn bold and brave,
and now he shines beyond the grave ?