Ove hills did the captain rove
till he came across the secret cove
that hid away a treasure trove.
There within, jewels and pearls,
and many of the prettiest girls
who'd been kidnapped and enslaved
by a monster cruel and depraved
whom the captain had come to slay
and free the girls he found this day.
He himself by beauty was slain
and by the treasure there to gain.
Caught off-guard, was he to know
the girls were snakes down below?
Nagas of the very worst kind?
Around him their tails would bind.
Entered the monster with his whip.
He'd now gain the captain's ship.
"By girls and gold be not beeguiled,"
said the depraved monster and smiled.
There's a place called the Conspiracy Club
where guys get together and shoulders rub.
"Keep the women down, hee hee hee,
and the Martian visitor under lock and key.
Tell Elvis not yet to raise his head
and keep on playing at being dead."
But a conspiracy that I know is true...
by people who'd have you believe a club too !
Lap her up, lap lap lap
but do not touch, you'll get a slap.
This lap-dancer sits not in your lap
unless you pay her, old sport, old chap.
Kath is the girl's name
and big money is her game.
Lap lap laps around the pole.
Eat her up, eat her up whole.
She will eat you too, alive !
You've come across a great dive !!