for PATTAYA TRADER 148 (D)

MRS SHERLOCK HOLMES
Mrs Holmes spied on me,
or on her daughter's bedsheets.
To her love is not free.
Mrs Holmes found it a crime.
It was with a magnifying-glass
she sought stains for some time.
Mrs Holmes isn't quite her name,
but she put Sherlock and us to shame.

for PATTAYA TRADER 148 (C)

TIME-AND-TIDE-MAIDEN-
NO-MORE
Under the star-shiny-night
that is her only roof,
she goes take a bath
in the fountain-of-youth.
Snakes out her tail
to flap on the ground.
Ah maid-of-the-sea,
from its cycle unbound !

LIFE OR A LIE?
Live by the lie
and by the lie die.
Be it better said:
Live by the lie, you're already dead.

for PATTAYA TRADER 148 (B)

A LADY LIBERTINE
The libertine lady,
she pats her pet.
She has him in
her web, her net.
There are some
who only feel free
when somebody else
is down on bent-knee.

JUST-A-COOPER'S-FEZ-ON-HEAD-
MAGIC-FIND
Comedian Tommy Cooper knocked
boxer Henry Cooper flat.
Find he did it with a joke.
He did it "Just like that !"

OLD HOLBORN
Old Mr Holborn, your life's a drag.
Roll-up yourself a further fag.
At the Strand awaits a dear friend
who has also come to a dog-end.

IT'S-A-LONDON-ROUGH-TRADE-FLAUTIST-
DO-SOME-MEN-SEEK
Around Piccadilly men seek Pete,
to spend time with him in Greek street.
By the Eros mount he'll find him there
in the ruffs-and-frills Pete likes to wear.
Then off he'll go, across to Soho,
with Picadilly Pete and his piccolo !

for PATTAYA TRADER 148 (A)

A-GIRL-GOES-RABBITING-TO-BOW
You're going to a party
where you are going to rave?
It's a knees-up to the sound
of musicians Chas And Dave?
You'll here all the Cockney talk,
you'll here all the rabbit-and-pork,
and like a Bow Beller you'll behave?

A-TEASE-SHIRTED-VENUS
-IS-SHE
With moon-round breasts
beneath her black-as-night vest,
into her tight-jeans she squeezes.
The girl slides her toes
into her well-honed stilettos.
A rock 'n' roll Venus, how she now teases.

NO-RIGHT-TO-WRITE-
HUMANELY-THOMAS
William Blake cried to Thomas Paine,
"Awaits you prison's ball and chain !
Get out of England while you sure can !
They'll wrong you for your 'Rights-Of-Man' !"

WELL-HONED-SATIRIST-
WILLIAM
Willy Hone, oh Willy Hone,
to the top-dogs threw his funny-bone.
For his satires he'd to atone.
They put him in jail all alone.

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (H)

BEDROCK CITY AIRWAVES
Yabba-dabba-doo, yes yabba-dabba-doo
Fred and Wilma are a-rocking too
Terry Dactyl And The Dinosaurs.
Overhead the Jetson family soars
and looks down upon the very-far-off-past.
"Man, that rock 'n' roll's just a real rocket-blast !" 

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (G)

SUB ROSA
I'll let you into a secret.
Yes a secret I'll disclose.
I was on top of the world
when I was under the rose.

I wasn't under her thumb.
I was right up in the sky.
I've let you into a secret
when under the rose was I.

HOME-AND-HEART
If home is where the heart is
then mine's inside this man
who goes around adventurous
as can a gypsy caravan.

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (F)

THE-CREW-RAISERS-OF-
NO-LOST-ART?
Lara Croft
and Indiana Jones;
tomb-raiders who could
jump eachother's bones.
Should play mummy and daddy the two,
the pair might raise a bone-jumping crew !

EVER-IN-THE-PINK
Let us come together,
oh let us come together;
the two of us, girl,
in a pink forever.
Whiteskin-and-red. Cap-and-feather.
Yes the two of us in a pink forever.

CLEOPATRA'S NEEDLE
She used to be so beautiful
and regal like a queen.
Now she walks the streets
in a daze and not a dream.
The girl walks the streets
in a daze and not a dream
to pay for the evil-habit
that leaves her heated though serene.

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (E)

LOVE'S-GLOVE-PUPPETS-WERE-
TRULY-WE-GIRL
We sure were hand-in-glove.
Girl, we sure were hand-in-glove.
Yet we pair put on a show
when it turned to puppet-love.

THE CUT-OUT HEART
The girl takes your money
and even worse...
severs your gold-heart's strings,
the Moll-Cutpurse !

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (D)

MISS MITTY
Wallace Mitty
you descend from Walt,
your downright lies
must come to a halt.
Wallace Mitty's not your real name,
yet you'd fool us, girl, just the same.

DIFFERENT-DESTINIES-FIND-
FOR-TWO
Their eyes met across
the busy railway station.
He on one platform, she the other.
Both to go in the opposite direction.
They might have shared a journey
had a train not come between them
to take him to his destination.

for PATTAYA TRADER 147 (C)

IN-MINT-CONDITION-WAS-
NOW-YONDER-MADAM
La Belle Stuart, chaste-dutchess,
there on the coinage of the nation.
The girl modelled as Britannia.
Cost a pretty-penny to gain intimation?

A-SUNNY-BUTTERFLY-FIND
Butterfly in the sun
and star of dance,
find that Mata Hari
held men in a trance.

IT-IS-THE-FOOL'S-FINAL-LAUGH-
RIGHT-HERE-YOU'LL-FIND
Archie Armstrong, King's Jester,
was followed by Tom Killigrew
after being forcibly retired.
And yes - ye all - it's true,
he was buried on April Fool's Day.
"The last laugh his," some folk might say !

SEXUAL-OLYMICS
Claudius's wife Melissa
was a sort of Olympian.
Not the kind of a woman
fit for an emperor-Roman.
A female find of excess.
Greek-goddess-sporting-with-the-opposite-sex?