THE GEM JOANNA
The lovely Joanna Lumley
enjoys the verses of John Betjeman.
She thinks they are fine-diamonds.
He'd have thought her an Asolutely Fabulous gem.
YES-OLD-KNITTING-NEEDLE-
LADY-DID-IT-BOYS-IN-BLUE
Miss Marple makes the cops look woolly-brained
while she sits there with her knitting.
Yes there's murder where ever she goes.
Is it the old-girl thrusts the needle in?
From butcher to baker to candlestick-maker,
of tv's detectives we've had our share.
Find I reach for the switch to turn them off,
but turn my back on Miss Marple wouldn't dare !
A-GIRL'S-MONKEY-HANG-UP
The girl came from Birmingham,
she said "We call it Brum.
I lived there with my boyfriend
but he was very much a baboon's bum.
Well, I had to leave the ape,
play no more the poor fool.
I hear that they hang monkeys
up here in Hartlepool?"
SO-HAPPY-JUMPS-JACK
Yes spring-heeled Jack,
he was seen out-back.
Went over the wall,
sprang-down the track
this May morn, at dawn's crack.
I bet come June
he'll be over the moon.
AN-OLD-POLICE-SQUAD'S-
DARN-QUICK-PAIR
Sweeney Todd, yes Sweeney Todd;
Cockney rhyming slang for the Flying Squad.
They busted a big-narcotics ring
and were well and truly flying.
One looked like Denny Waterman.
One looked like John Thaw.
"You're nicked, you're nicked, you're nicked,
because we are the law."
They used to celebrate a bust
with drink, with booze, with beer.
But now they'd both a warehouse
piled up with packets of new gear !
YES-DOWN-THE-MUCKY-DOCKS
WITH-NOT-SO-DUMB-DAISY
Don't step on the concrete-cracks,
you just never know your luck.
Ah, here comes Dockside-Daisy,
the cute-girl with the hook.
She has a speech-impediment
but lets her fingers talk.
Yes she has a speech-impediment
yet a most-telling walk.
No don't step on the concrete-cracks,
you just never know your luck,
but lie down with Dockside-Daisy
and-through-the-cracks-the-flowers-push-up.
No comments:
Post a Comment